Welcome my friends. I love the symbolism of the tree of life. For me, it represents the interconnectedness of our history and future, ancestral roots, and devotion to family. But the symbolism goes deeper for me these days. Trees need blustering winds to survive, to develop deep root systems that allow them to bend rather than break. At 39 years old, I am finally coming to understand what trees have already adapted to. Anything you cannot control is teaching you to let go.
Webster provides a rather elementary definition of equanimity: evenness of mind, especially under stress. But I have found that it is not so simplistic. This lovely quote provides a more suitable description.
“We cradle both the immense sorrow and the wondrousness of life at the same time. Being able to be fully present with both is the gift equanimity gives us—spacious stillness, radiant calm.”
Sharon Salzberg
As a person with controlling tendencies, it has been a lifelong challenge to unwrap myself from the cloak of my emotions. Some days it feels impossible for me not to identify with them. But equanimity is not passive nonchalance. It is not flippantly saying “it’s fine, everything is just fine.”
I want to allow space for my feelings without having them consume me. I want to identify the emotions and let them pass on without attaching a whole melodrama to them. These are not life skills I was exposed to as a child. Studying mindfulness has taught me not only how to observe my emotional state, but also my thoughts. The idea that I am not my thoughts has been life-changing. For an American girl raised in the south, this is a radical concept!
The ability to not be reactive toward my emotions and thoughts- this is the freedom and liberation I seek on my personal road to equanimity. I am far from perfect and some days I fall off the proverbial wagon and waller around in the muck. But eventually, I pick myself up, dust off my big-girl britches, and get back on the dusty trail.
